I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
