I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
