she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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