just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
