You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
