You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
sex in a hospital.. check
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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