Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
