Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
