just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
