I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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