Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
