Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize