Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

Fav 45 23935 1774
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(310): View more from California

It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water

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(954): View more from Florida

I'm driving while wearing hulk hands

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(903): View more from Texas

Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there

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(503): View more from Oregon

This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.

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