you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize