i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Terrible idea I love it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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