watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
