i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
