So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How drunk are you?
Completed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
