just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
