Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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