am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
