I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
