I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
