Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
