i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
