the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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