what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
