Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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