Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
