I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Buhtt sex?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
