are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
