Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
