Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
