i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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