You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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