This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
