During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
