Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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