You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
