turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
