Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
