Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i've created a new STD.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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