have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
