Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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