fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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