can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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