i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
