His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
