There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
