Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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