haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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