Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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