i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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