I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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