You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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