I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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