I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
