I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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