i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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