Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Barsexuality is the new black.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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