Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
