OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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