i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
