your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
