How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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