I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
