i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i think we sleep fucked last night...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
