Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
