Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
